You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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