I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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