I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
