All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
