i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
