if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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