Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
