Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
