failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
