great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I look excited, but its just a facade.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
