Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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