a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Randomize
