I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
