you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
