Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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