Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
