i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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