There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
