And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am one with the molecules
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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