Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
