Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
