He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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