Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We got so high we made milksteak
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize