I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
