I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
