I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
