I just cut my nipple shaving
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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