Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
