The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
