If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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