What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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