Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
