Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize