I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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