Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
