I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
