Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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