real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
