even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
