Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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