The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize