I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
