Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize