Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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