can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
