Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
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