Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my penis look like a turkey
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
