dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
