omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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