My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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