Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
