i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize