nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
