why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
