it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
