I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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