I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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