i already hear my dad disowning me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I won the penis lottery.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
