I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
