Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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