I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
