There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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