he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
