I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
