my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize