jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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