you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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