Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you inspire me to be a worse person
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
