I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize