i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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