I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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