worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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