the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
