this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
