So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
