Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
