Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
