Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
